Sunday, November 6, 2016

I've had many blogs....

... But I really feel like this one will be the one I actually keep updated. So, here it is. My blog. My world, seen my way.

Here's to my first entry *raises a glass of juice* lets do this!

So this week has been interesting, a few new things happened. Here's whats up:

Thursday I went to see my dysautonomia specialist, Dr T. He's great, funny man with an awesome moustache. He teaches people how to read EKG's and has a great bedside manner. Every time I see him he tries to do my british accent, terribly I might add. Since I wasn't responding to the fludrocortosone and demopressin, he wanted me to try an adrenaline blocker; he theorized that it was hyperadrenic pots as opposed to straight up pots. Lucky me, only 15-20% of POTS patients have the hyperadrenic type. I feel so blessed >.<

Well the new medication is working, so I guess that's a correct theory? I actually slept throughout the night, only waking up maybe once but very briefly and easily fell back to sleep. So that was really great news. This means my caffine consumption has lowered too. I was honestly kind of upset to have it confirmed though, for a few reasons;

         This makes me even more complex when a doctor views my case, and can decrease the likely hood of me being taken on by a specialist.

         I'm just tiered of being different!

Either way at least the treatment for now is helping.

After the doctors appointment, my close friend L and I went to Hobby lobby, I'd never been! It was a lot of fun, even if I was in a wheelchair!

Friday I went to go have my cervical nerve blocks, due to the Chiari and EDS my neck is constantly strained and very sore. This was my first time having nerve blocks of any type, it went so well and worked fantastically that I'm going to ask my doctor about having them done in my lower back too! I woke up the first day after with no pain in my neck at all, of course it still felt ''off'' because of the subluxations but they were easier to fix because my neck wasn't so stiff.

I also managed to get my pain management doctor to give me Tylanol 3 (co-codamol in England). I figured this would be a good choice for a few reasons;
       Firstly it's a side step from Tramadol, not a step up and I'd rather keep off the ''hard stuff'' for as long as I possibly can. Hopefully I can exchange the Tylenol 3 for Tramadol and keep circulating them round until neither is effective.
       Secondly, it's available over the counter in England and makes it a little easier while waiting for specialists to get to me on their waiting lists. I understand it can take a while, but I will need pain relief pretty quickly once we land back in England.

Just trying to make my life as good as possible!

So that all went well, but I'm still anxious. I'm worried about Jaxx getting the right certificates for our flights, I'm worried about not being able to get the hop before they run out. I know my ex said he'd get us home one way or another but I'm still concerned that i may have to leave him behind. It makes me cry considering that. I can't, I have to push it to the back of my head for now. It's breaking my heart what i'm loosing, by choice, but I have to go home. All the people I love in America, I can't consider them right now; my family needs me. But it is hard being the one that feels she has to be there for everyone, though even if my family didn't need me I would still be going.

I can't stay in this suffocating marriage any longer. I just can't do it. I double guess everything he says, I have no idea how he feel sat any points and I'm just so sick of it. I had a pretty strong mental foundation that I had spent a lot of time and energy building up before I came out here; in fact, before I left I wasn't under any mental health treatment and was deemed mentally well. Now look at me. -sigh-.

But there's no point crying over spilt milk, or spilt tears. It's in the past and I have to make my own reality and world now, through my own choices. I need to remember how to stand on my own two feet. Remember what it means to make decisions based on my own well being. I need to remember me.

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